I’m Still Stuck?

I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling like I’m stuck in this Covid mess that we are in. I’m tired of wearing masks every time I walk into a building for work or the store. It’s really wearing on me. Going to the doctor isn’t simple anymore. Before walking in the doctor’s office or just after I get there I have to do a questionnaire. Before I go to work every morning I have to fill out a questionnaire that tells me I’m likely to be able to work. {{{SIGH}}} Yes, I’m feeling stuck. I know that I’m one of the lucky ones. I haven’t gotten Covid, although I know a lot of people who have. I still have my job, I didn’t have a loss of income. I know a lot of people who have really been negatively impacted by this. I’ve been blessed considering everything.

In my last post I mentioned (but didn’t get into) the way you feel when you’re stuck. You feel weary, frustrated, tired and angry. Well, weary of what is happening, especially if it’s the same old, same old everyday. Frustrated because it seems like you are not making any progress on anything. You feel tired because, usually, you are also depressed, which makes you tired and the more you think about being depressed the “tireder” you get. And finally, you get angry. At yourself, your situation, at people who just happen to cross your path the “wrong” way. We aren’t good for anyone or anything while we feel this way, and we need to stop the cycle.

Believe me, I still get these feelings, especially now in the Covid situation. Thing are not “normal” (what ever that means). I’ve found out that “normal” is a setting on the clothes dryer and nothing else. I’ve even come to hate the term “new normal”. What happened to the old normal? Was there even a thing that was normal? Not in my life….

I digress… The only thing that can calm me and help my mood is knowing that God is in Control. That’s Control with a capital C. Yes, He knows about everything that is going on and He has a plan. I don’t know what the plan is; He is God and I am not. So, my job at this time is to trust Him (and sigh if I must, He understands) and keep moving. I may not be moving very fast and I may not be going to a lot of places, but I’m moving. I’m working on improving me physically by trying to walk more and drink more water and eat better. I’m also trying to read my Bible regularly, reading Bible commentaries and trying to get into a habit of scheduled prayer time. I’m working to expand my mind and my heart as well as my physical self. This is something we all have to do to keep our spirits up. The “feeling stuck” mood has to go if we are to be any use to anyone.

I’m Stuck…

“…I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:12-13

When Joe was first diagnosed with the brain tumor, I was panicked. Here was my husband of 21 years being told he probably would die in about two years. I totally when into a spin. Our life was just starting to get into a settled routine, one child still in High School and one just graduated, I had a good job and Joe was starting back to college to work on a degree. We had clawed our way up to this point and I thought we were almost “there”. Then this happened.

Joe didn’t die in two years. We spent the next 16 years going through medical treatments for his poor scalp and skull that had been radiated to death. No tumors, so that was good, but he was constantly under medical care for one thing or another.

My emotional state would swing back and forth, from being panicked to feeling stuck. Feeling stuck as in, I’m going to be doing this for the rest of my life feeling stuck. I know I didn’t sign up for this earlier in my life. I was hoping for Joe and I to work our way into a nice retirement where we could do what we wanted and play with the grandchildren. It certainly didn’t work out the way I envisioned it. So I was stuck.

This verse from Philippians hit me one day and then I couldn’t get it out of my head. “I have learned the secret of being content… I can do all this through Him who gives me strength”. Being Content. You can’t be content if you’re feeling stuck. You feel weary, frustrated, tired and angry.

Since the verse wouldn’t get out of my head, I thought and prayed about it. Verse 13 is the kicker. “I can do all this through Him who gives me strength”. Once I had thought through this verse well and prayed I started to try harder to rely on Jesus to get me through instead of myself. My feelings of being stuck got less. It was a long process. I’m stubborn and don’t like to give up, but in this case, I had to for my mental and spiritual heath.

So, if you are feeling stuck and the walls are feeling like they are closing in on you, look to the One who can give you strength. Then you can feel more content in your circumstances.