Growing

When I started this blog, it was mainly written for people who were doing medical care for others with a terminal diagnosis. I had done this for years with my husband and I realized all of the emotions that came out of that and how I responded. I’ve grown through those experiences; made some big changes in my life. Whenever you go through a life changing event, you will change. Whether the change is for good or bad is up to you.

I personally grew my faith in Jesus, learning to trust in that faith in all situations. This is one thing that I would want for my readers of this blog. To learn how to take each challenge that gets thrown your way and give it to the Lord, keeping your faith, not only intact, but increased. Was it easy? Absolutely not. I would struggle with problems that came up and then found that the Lord always had a solution that I didn’t figure out.

A good example of this would be when Joe was reaching the end of his life. I had kept him home as long as I could, but the demands of taking care of him with the increasing medical problems was getting to be too much, not only for me, but for the aides that came to my house to help take care of him.

A nursing home seemed to be the only answer to the problem. Joe was so against this, it took a while for me to convince him that it was the answer. He had ended up in some rehabilitation centers after surgeries that were just plain nasty. I could see his hesitation and so embarked on finding a decent place that wasn’t too far away. I found that most nursing homes had waiting lists and there were certain protocols that needed to be followed. The waiting lists were usually six months to one year long. I knew we didn’t have that long.

I left it up to the Lord, but I continued to contact places and my son and I would take tours. We made a list of the ones we liked and hoped that an opening would happen. If not, then we would continue as we were. It was the Lord’s choice; no opening, Joe died at home; if there was an opening, then he would go to the nursing home. I didn’t stress over the decision, just put in applications and just kept on as we were.

Within two weeks I was called by one of the better nursing homes, saying that they had space for Joe. I was floored. This particular one stressed that they had a huge waiting list and it was doubtful that Joe would be admitted there. They seemed to make a point of saying that. We moved Joe in as soon as we were able and he did die after about two months of moving in. They were wonderful with both him and me as the caregiver, keeping me up to date on his condition as it worsened. It was one stress off of my life that I badly needed. I knew he was being taken care of.

Giving the decision to the Lord was less stressful for me and Joe ended up in a good place that took excellent care of him. Leaving decisions up to the Lord was a hard lesson to learn, but I have never regretted it. As I walk through my life today I still hold on to this faith and look to the Lord when decisions are to be made.

March for Life…

The March for Life was yesterday and it brings about memories of my life. I’ve been through more things then just a caregiver for my husband. As Christians, we are to care about all life and the March for Life and the Women’s March brings out that we are to care for all life.

Back in 2017, I was a part of another blog, the Lutheran Ladies Connection. This is a blog that I posted about the March for Life. We not only have to think about children losing their lives, but what about the women that get sucked into the rhetoric that abortion is OK? What happens to them in the aftermath of taking a life? In my case, I thought my life was over. I had done a horrible thing and I felt that the Lord would never love me again.

As you read this, please think about others in your life who have done horrible things. They deserve our compassion. Yes, they have sinned, but haven’t we all?

To a Fear-Free New Year

My co-workers gave me a birthday card at the end of last year that totally surprised me. As I looked at the front of this card I was so taken back. You can see the card’s cover on this blog. When I saw the card I thought, somebody sees me. The real me that I’m trying to present to the world.

You see, I’ve been trying to be as fearless as possible in this Covid world that we live in. I see so many persons that live in fear now, and it isn’t healthy to live that way. Yes, we can be cautious. Yes, we should be careful, however that looks to you. Wear a mask in public and don’t go to large gatherings if you have reason to fear getting the virus. But you still can’t live in fear. As I have said before in a previous post that I used to be afraid that I would bring home a flu virus to Joseph every flu season because I work at a college and come in contact with students and staff. I’ve had students cough and sneeze while they were talking to me and I’d be so afraid for Joseph. After several years of this I couldn’t stand the strain and put it in God’s hands. Yes, I took precautions. We had a disinfectant spray that I would use after some students, and I always tried to keep my distance, even before this “social distancing” was a thing.

Fear is an internal feeling. No one can make you feel fear, you can get fearful without anyone’s help. We are not to live in fear. 2 Timothy 1:7 says “For God did not give us a Spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control.” I’m definitely trying to live this verse out in my life and it’s wonderful to get confirmation that I’m doing it right!

Breaking up with Fear

I’m sorry I haven’t posted lately. I’ve been taking care of me, navigating the medical community while everyone is still under the Covid-19 restrictions. I couldn’t even imagine what it would be like if Joe was still living and we had to navigate all of his medical appointments and visiting nurses and all that with the restrictions we have today. My hat is off you those of you who are trying your hardest to take care of your person and still keep your cool. I know I’ve been tempted to just chuck it all and hang it up and that is just from me trying to navigate alone.

I still see a lot of fear out there, but the “atmosphere” is much better than it used to be. Francesca Battistelli put out this song in 2018, but it’s gotten a lot of play lately. It’s such a cute song with a powerful message. You can listen to it below, The Breakup Song: